by Lexi Inks
I, like many women, glean a lot of news and inspiration about fashion from TikTok. Thanks to my addiction to the app, I’ve consumed countless hours of style content covering anything from micro-trends like coquette, office core, and indie sleaze to the best ways to “shop” from your own closet for sustainability. It’s also nearly impossible to spend a few hours scrolling through fashion videos and not come across the “female gaze” TikTok trend.
Unlike the usual outfit inspo or shopping hauls you’ll find on a daily basis, TikToks about dressing for the female gaze are pretty niche and pointed. It seems that Gen Z is kind of obsessed with the idea. Although this is coming from Certified MillennialTM, it seems to me that zoomers are becoming increasingly sex-negative these days. Rather than support whatever folks who identify as women want to wear, a lot of Gen Z TikTok creators are calling out the ladies who want to embody brat summer with the least amount of clothing possible and accusing them of dressing for the “male gaze.”
Sounds like covert slut-shaming, if you ask me. But don’t just take my word for it… other millennials on social media have also noticed the growth of internalized misogyny in today’s youths.
What is the “female gaze” TikTok trend?
Expressing yourself and emphasizing your individual style online is a cool thing to do. You might inspire someone to spice up their weekly outfit rotation or make adjustments to their wardrobe based on your creative ideas. What isn’t cool, however, is to assume that women who dress a certain way are doing so for the purpose of gaining attention from men. That is precisely the message this trend is trying to convey. Young women posting videos about how they decided to start dressing for the female gaze are, whether directly or indirectly, demoralizing women who choose differently.
Wearing very little clothing because you want to is perfectly OK. Wearing very little clothing because you’re comfortable and confident in your body is perfectly OK. Wearing very little clothing because you’re seeking attention or compliments from men is also OK. You don’t need a reason to wear the things that make you feel your best, regardless of what a social media trend has to say. It doesn’t make you any less valuable, intelligent, or worthy of respect if you are wanting men (or anyone for that matter) to appreciate your appearance.
Why the trend is inherently misogynistic
At the risk of sounding like a boomer, kids these days don’t seem to understand the importance of being sex-positive and supporting that mindset in others. It’s ironic that Gen Z claims to be the most progressive, open-minded generation yet, but at the same time they are the first to let internalized misogyny get to them and hurl around terms like “pick me” and “male-centered” left and right.
I totally agree that there are women who have an unhealthy need for male validation, and I understand that pick-me culture is both toxic and real. Pitting women against each other is gross and super unproductive… which is exactly how I feel about people pushing the female gaze BS onto each other.
When you watch these videos, you might immediately notice a common denominator: the creator is demonstrating that more tight, shorter, revealing outfits are for the male gaze only. Men are the only ones who can appreciate women wearing less, while the girlies sporting flowy, modest, and more mature styles are obviously better than because they just want compliments and affirmation from other women. In other words, they’re dressing for the girls.
The issue with this perspective is simple: more clothing and more coverage = good. Less clothing and less coverage = bad. One could argue that this thought process could circle right back around to the age-old “she was asking for it” trope when women don short skirts or tight dresses. After all, they wanted to be groped, right? Their daisy dukes were practically screaming “assault me!” to any man within earshot. Again, the slut-shaming continues.
Wear what you want
You can work a high-profile corporate job, be a great mom, or volunteer at your church every Sunday and still get lit and have your tits out at the club on Friday nights. You can be a powerful girlboss and still feel flattered when a man slides into your DMs after posting a thirst trap that made you feel like a bad bitch. Two things can be true at once, so it is absolutely possible to be a sexually-empowered and liberated woman and still have morals and want to be respected and valued as a whole human apart from your appearance.
Dress for the “female gaze” if you want. Dress for the male gaze if you want. Dress for all the gays if you want. Regardless, how you express yourself via fashion doesn’t imply any sort of ethical superiority (or lack thereof.) If you want to wear a turtleneck and slacks everywhere you go, awesome! If you want to enjoy the summer heat in a bikini top and shorts, I’m rooting for you. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and secure in your own body. No matter what these insufferable bandwagoners might say, you look sexy as hell — and only you get to decide what gazes, if any, you’re dressing for.
