by Cassidy Anthony
Music blasting, daiquiris in hands, and nudity as far as the eye can see.
It was like the first day of school at a swingers resort in Mexico, and my boyfriend and I were the wide-eyed freshmen trying to get a lay of the land. People are mingling and getting to know who they’ll be partying it up with for the next five days. But the elephant in the room? At 27 years old, I was the youngest person there by far.
This was no problem for me at all, I should add. I am extremely attracted to men and women older than me. On this particular vacation, they were much older — by decades, in some cases. I quickly realized that I was likely around the same age as some of their children. Nonetheless, I took heed not to make jokes about this (which became a bit more difficult after a few tequila shots.)
Is age just a number?
You may think that going to a swingers resort as a young person would mean the experience was like a bountiful free-for-all. Maybe you’d imagine that we got a sort of pick of the litter, as it were. That we could be selective in a room full of sex-forward people, in a society where youth is perhaps the most coveted and irrevocable trait a person can have.
But it was actually quite the opposite.
People looked us up and down, made comments about our good looks, bought us drinks, flirted with us, and joked about how young we were. And yet, we saw orgies happening in rooms that we weren’t invited to. Witnessed people being invited to events that we didn’t know were happening. It felt like being chosen last for the dodgeball team.
I’d like to note that, for the most part, my boyfriend and I didn’t really mind missing out on many propositions. Ultimately, we were on this vacation to enjoy the sun and each other. No matter who we crossed paths with, we were highly tuned into one another and just loved being together.
And yet, there appeared to be a sort of “failure to launch” that my boyfriend and I experienced there. The pieces weren’t connecting. And it made us feel like our legitimacy within the swinger lifestyle was being questioned simply due to our age.
We felt like props. The young, fresh hires present to lower the average age in the room — to be looked at and not touched. But just like everyone else who came onto this vacation, we were there to get laid. And it wasn’t happening the way we imagined it might.
“So why are you here?”
Many people approached us with confusion and intrigue.
One woman — a psychiatrist in her fifties who we’ll call Alice — told us that she had been meaning to cross paths with us. She had apparently been scribbling down questions she wanted to ask us all week. She was fascinated, like a scientist studying animals in a lab.
We were happy to answer questions. Anyone who knows me well would probably use the word “nosey” to describe me. (I prefer inquisitive, but I digress.) Needless to say, I respect a fellow question-asker.
Finally, during the daily cocktail hour in the infinity pool, drinks in hand and birthday suits on, Alice swam up to us and asked her questions.
“How long have you been in the lifestyle if you’re so young?”
“Do you let each other do whatever you want?”
“What kind of experiences have you had?”
“Not to sound judgy, but you haven’t been together for that long. Clearly you’re not trying to just spice things up in your relationship. So why are you here?”
More than a quick fix
“Spice things up,” she said. That’s something we hear a lot from couples in the lifestyle. The idea behind this being that joining the lifestyle is a cure to the common cold, with the cold in this case being the monotony and stagnation that can come from monogamy. But this school of thought suggests that the lifestyle is a sort of last ditch effort to save a failing and sexless relationship that was doomed decades ago.
Some couples introduce role-playing into their marriage to reinvigorate a previously extinguished flame. Others take their date nights to the local sex shop to find new toys to play with. For those in the lifestyle, injecting spice into their lives takes the form of threesomes, foursomes, orgies, full swaps, and a slew of other naughty sexual configurations.
But for many younger couples — or certainly for myself and my boyfriend — we established from day one that the lifestyle was something we were interested in. Non-monogamy isn’t a solution to a problem. It is simply a piece of the pie that is our relationship.
So, no wonder people were confused by our presence at the swingers resort. How could a young, comparatively new couple already be looking to throw caution to the wind in the name of reviving their relationship? It didn’t compute for them.
A lot of our vanilla friends (read: those who don’t hook up with people other than their partners) wonder why we’re in the lifestyle if we’re in such a happy, loving, and healthy relationship. We don’t blame anyone for asking. From the outside, it might appear counterintuitive. But my boyfriend and I are in such a trusting relationship, in fact, that we allow each other — and even get off on — sexual exploration with other singles and couples.
Being in a happy relationship doesn’t mean your sexuality is turned off. Desire doesn’t work like that; it isn’t switched on when you’re single and switched off when you’re in a relationship. It’s nuanced and exciting and ever-evolving. And as a result, my boyfriend and I love being able to lean into our sexuality however we see fit.
Hence our decision to choose a swingers resort in Mexico for our vacation.
Perhaps a shift in the swinger lifestyle is needed. Representation matters, no matter what age, race, gender, or sexual orientation. I hope young people can begin to find more comfort in these spaces and embrace what may feel unfamiliar. Maybe then they can mingle more effectively than we did amongst swingers of older generations.
Award-winning
On the last night of our trip, I found myself unexpectedly called up on stage to accept an award for being the youngest guest ever in attendance at one of the resort’s lifestyle events. I literally received a standing ovation — from a room full of horny boomers.
That’s a moment I’ll always remember, along with so many special, weird, sexy, and fun moments from this trip. These memories will live rent-free in my memory bank, along with that time we played naked Wii Bowling at a nudist colony in Florida.
That’s a story for another time.
